Justin Nelson
Mrs. Belden
Honors English I
5 October, 2014
Ship
Wreck
Eyes
red with deep circles as I watched the monitor of my computer switch between
green and red arrows. Some stocks up—some stocks down. My fingers worked
mechanically clicking and typing on their own, as my mind dragged behind unable
to keep up. Another shot of caffeine
just to keep myself from collapsing as emails continued to fill my inbox. My
eyes began to grow heavy, dropping farther and farther down until
darkness. Waking up disoriented at 2 am
in my office I quickly gathered my things and left.
Arriving
home I went to bed. When I awoke exhausted.
I looked at my phone seeing 15 new messages from my boss most of them
saying how he needs me in the office right now.
Other messages were from different organizations to which I owed
money. This was the breaking point for
me, leaving my house and getting in my car I had no intentions of going to
work. Instead I drove to the marina and
bought a brand new sail boat. Reminding me of my younger days when I used to
sail in regattas. Leaving port I sailed
east into the Atlantic leaving all my worries behind. Sailing now for about two hours I notice off
in the horizon dark clouds forming. My blissful ride came to end when I
realized I had to return. Pulling out
the map only to be crushed to realize that I cannot read maps. My panic soon died down when I remembered all
I had to do was turn around as I had never veered of path. When I jived the
boat the sail bluffed because the wind was gusting. The storm was closing in now as the first
black cloud began to cover the sky above my head. Panic returned as I ran around the deck
looking for anything to contact the mainland. I found a small radio at the helm. As soon as I turned it on, a gust of wind whipped
through the boat causing me to drop the radio.
It slid across the deck hitting against the wall only to come back when
the boat swayed back. I jumped for the
radio seizing it. The wind was blowing
harder now and white caps started to appear. I scrambled around the deck as my boat was
being thrown back and forth. The sky
darkened, lightning was dashing across the sky.
Rain was falling now in layers at a time swamping the deck. I ran for the sub deck opening the door and
closing and locking it behind me just as a wave came over the hull. Hours
passed as the storm raged, at one point I could swear we were flying only to
land hard jerking the whole boat. Wind whistled outside and the rain gradually
let up until the noise of the storm was exchanged by silence. Even the waves
were quiet. I opened the door to a clear blue sky and a sandy beach. The deck was missing a mast with small
remains of the sail that was caught on splinters of wood protruding form
reminisce of the deck. I remembered the
radio, but searching the cabin I could not find it. I continued searching but to no avail. I must have dropped it during the chaos of
the storm. I gathered my remaining
things and got off the boat. The hull
had a two-foot hole in the side leaking water. I went up to where the forest meets the beach
seeing something half buried in the sand.
When I approached the mystery object letters became visible spelling out
“US NAVY” in faded red ink. My spirits
picked up with each hand filled with sand.
Pulling the crate out of the hole I unbuckled the clips and I open the
box. It was a cache of food also inside was matches
bowls, I was happier than a kid on Christmas.
I decided to look around the island for any civilization. For 30 minutes I searched the whole island
finding nothing of value. On my trip
back to the ship I stumbled upon a spring of water, until that moment I did not
realize how thirty I was. I set up camp
for the night on the beach piling up wood to make a signal fire for any passing
by boats. Preparing for bed I looked up
witnessing the most impressive display of stars I had ever seen. At that moment all fear and concern left and
was replaced by an awing sensation of humanism and safety. I feel asleep to the washing sound of the
waves crashing on the beach.
The
next few days were uneventful filled with long periods of watching the sea and
making improvements to my camp. I began
to explore the island that I was on finding more creates usually tripping on
them by accident when walking along the beach or in the forest. I removed chairs and tables from the wrecked
boat stripping wood from the deck and interior in order to build a shelter.
Time passed days began to merge into weeks I gave up on watching the sea for
boats accepting my fate. Weeks later I
was gathering bananas when I saw a gleam out of the corner of my eye. Turning
my attention to the shimmer in the distance was catching the last rays of the
setting sun. I squinted me eyes and I
was able to make out the hull of a boat.
Explosion of joy erupted in my body as I ran for the fire signal
lightning a match I was about to throw it on the wood when I hesitated. I realized I no longer worry about the
troubles that used to surround my life I now enjoy myself. With the match still
burning in my hand I threw it on the sand stomping out the flame as I watched
the boat vanish over the horizon.
Jake,
ReplyDeleteWonderful job on your story. You have amazing imagery and sensory details. Why did your character decided to get a boat? Do they have anyone they might miss? I think that there should be more of a reason towards their decision. I can see why they hate their job and want to leave, but what makes them head off on the sea instead of buying a plane ticket to Europe or something.I did really enjoy reading your story though.
Hi Jake, I really enjoyed the visual picture that I got from the wonderful imagery. I also liked how well the story was written and the way that the main character was described. A third thing I liked is how well that the theme was portrayed in your story. It was clear to me what you were trying to teach the reader. I do have several questions though. One of them being was he really on a boat or was he dreaming? And also did the boat come and get him at the end? One suggestion I have is to wrap up your story at the end more and make it seem more completed. Overall, I enjoyed your story and it kept me interested! -Kelly
ReplyDeleteYou did a very good job on writing this story. I enjoyed the plot and it kept engaged. I do agree with Hannah with saying why did he get the boat? Also, what did the character look like? I would describe him a little more. Your story was well written and I am glad I got to read it!
ReplyDeleteI loved your story and I found it very interesting. I was engaged in the story the whole time. I was able to picture the scenery in my head with the great usage of sensory details. The ending left me wanting more and kept me thinking about the plot. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWow! Very nice job on your story. I loved the imagery you put in and I agree with Lily i could picture it in my head. The only thing I think you could add was describing the character more! Great work
ReplyDeleteHey! Great Story! You had good plot, as to where the character can no longer take stress of his life and decides to change it. I also think you had a good ending. But I think you could add a little more context to why he wants to stay at the island. Maybe add more to why he wanted to leave in the first place? Overall it was pretty good!
ReplyDelete